brownboiiimagic-blog:

haha, you’re fine.
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what creature visits your dreams most often?

usually I dream of the future, but there has always been is darkness that can take many forms that lurks into my dreams when I’m too low to protect myself from it. I can never wake up from those sleepy times.
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how do you show others you are fond of them?

I pour that adoration all over them. I’m really bad at social cues, so I can never actually gauge how much is too much, so I just go until it’s burned out. I listen and read their blog and observe and learn all of their favorite things and their traits and I spoil them as best I can with what I have. I always make a huge deal of birthdays cuz mine tend to suck. when I think of them, I’ll get in contact with them, even if it’s just to share a quote or a story or some pain. if someone is adored by me, they turn into the things around me and they know that I love them. they know. I am also a very physical person so I’ll do little shit like touch their shoulder or their knee or their back, just to remind them that I’m here. I just pump out the daddy in me and nurture the fuck out of everyone in my life that is close enough to reach me. this is even in platonic relationships. like I’ll think of the possibility of them needing some of what I have so I always get more (i. e. food, money, bud, clothes, cigarettes). I’ll carry your bags if they’re heavy. I’ll basically do anything for you if I adore you. you just have to be worth it. and you know it’s real if I make you a mix CD. that shit is so special. I was raised to treat people how I want to be treated, so yeah.
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if your life were a tale, how do you expect it would end?

I actually dream of this a lot when I’m out of it. Jean-Michel Basquiat had a mantra that he believed and made alive: “Die young, leave a beautiful corpse.”
if my life had to be a tale, it’d be a short tragedy.
there will be a surge, like Mark Sloan from Grey’s Anatomy. my loved ones will receive pieces of me without even realizing that I am not getting better, I am just in my last manic panic before the grand finale. everyone will be happy and appreciative of my life because I have been so close to death for so long. but I will be closer than I have ever been, at the lowest point in my life, keeping my plans tucked away, but planning every moment of the show. my last breath would be long, awaiting the end patiently. my body must be beautiful because someone will have to ID me and because someone has to see my corpse, so they will need to see me last and see someone I’d be proud of. the last performance must be the most beautiful. every memory will given to me one last time before they are taken away from me and given to whomever is left behind that shared them with me. my body will go limp and I will break hearts but will be so free of this damned darkness. then I’ll wait for my chance to live a life without it. the wait will be the best part because I have always wanted to be omnipresent. I have always wanted to actually be in the wind and the music and will still be able to comfort my loved ones. I move on when everyone is ready and forget it all again.
…if it had to be a tale with an ending.

You just broke my fucking heart. You are the wind. You are every fucking flower and smile. I can’t escape you.